Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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