Your mouth is God's brothel.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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