Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
