I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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