Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
