if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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