Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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