Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Vodka?
Forever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
