Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
