One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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