I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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