batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
