Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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