Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
