Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
