No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
