I think I died a long time ago.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
