I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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