Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
