I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
