***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I need help removing her.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
