I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
