Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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