yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
