On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
