all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
