They should really pass out barf bags in church
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
