im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
