Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
