i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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