STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
