I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
