Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
