she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
