Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
