So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
