We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
