just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
