I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
