I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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