Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
