3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
