With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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