Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
