She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
