Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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