Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
