I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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