just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
