Jerry, you need to find god
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
