I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
