Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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