I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Soap is not a condiment
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
