so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
