She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
