The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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