I bet he comes in French.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
