dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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