I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
