I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
