Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
