Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
