I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
