Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
