we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
