all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
