I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
