Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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