I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
