im about as happy as oj after his trial
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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