babies were throwing up all over the place
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
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