PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
