How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
