We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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