i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
