If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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