Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize