i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
