Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize