Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
