What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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