JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
