so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
