Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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