Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
