need another drink. this is the easiest way
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
