Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize