Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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