Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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