dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
