Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
time to smoke my breakfast
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
