I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
