i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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