so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
