can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
