I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
