If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
