4 words: hood of his car
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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