You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
