girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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