Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
