My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
